Reclaiming Our Collective Soul: Healing the Layers of Oppression Without Divisiveness
This article delves into systemic oppression rooted in Western, white patriarchal dominance, not to divide but to foster learning and healing. Drawing from ancestral wisdom, we can recognize both the trauma and resilience within all cultures, acknowledging generational wounds and the potential for transformation.
As liberation psychologist Ignacio Martín-Baró said:
"We need to make the oppressed the protagonists of their own liberation."
We will explore how trauma from early experiences—such as abuse, violence, and systemic oppression—distorts one’s sense of safety, trust, and self-worth. Healing requires decolonizing these patterns, addressing both individual and collective grief, and reconnecting with balanced masculine and feminine energies. Through grounding, self-compassion, emotional regulation, and community, we can rebuild resilience.
By taking responsibility for our healing and honoring ancestral pain and resilience, we can move toward authenticity, reclaim power, and build relationships rooted in equality and mutual healing.
Scarcity Mindset and Intergenerational Trauma
One of the lingering effects of systemic oppression, colonization, and capitalism is the scarcity mindset—a belief that there is not enough for everyone, leading to competition, fear, and hoarding of resources. This mindset is not just an economic or material issue; it is a deeply ingrained psychological state that many of us inherit from our ancestors.
For some of our ancestors—whether they were Indigenous peoples who faced colonization or European immigrants fleeing hardship—the trauma of survival in a world of scarcity left a profound mark. Generations later, this fear of not having enough manifests in anxiety, distrust, and a constant striving for safety and control. This legacy is particularly pronounced in white culture, where the drive for accumulation, dominance, and protection of resources has often come at the expense of others. It is crucial to understand this mindset, not as a flaw of any one group, but as an inherited response to trauma that affects us all.
Poet and activist Essex Hemphill reminds us of the intergenerational consequences of oppression:
"The deepest wounds of slavery have been passed down in the blood. It takes work to transform this pain into power."
By acknowledging the ways in which our ancestors passed down both trauma and resilience, we can begin to unravel these patterns. We can challenge the scarcity mindset by reconnecting to abundance, community, and the wisdom of the earth. When we recognize that there is enough for all and that our well-being is tied to the well-being of others, we can shift toward a more compassionate, collective approach to healing.
Reflecting on Scarcity and Abundance
Today, we live in a world shaped by both abundance and systemic inequality. Technology and modernity offer us incredible access to knowledge, yet they often fragment our attention and disconnect us from ourselves, each other, and the Earth. Consumerism presents endless distractions, while the essential human needs for community, justice, and belonging are left unmet. In the midst of this, we are being called to remember: healing is not an individual act but a collective journey—a reweaving of our relationship to ourselves, others, and the land.
As Carl Jung noted, the collective unconscious holds archetypal patterns that shape human experience, found in myths, dreams, and spiritual traditions. Indigenous teachings, Eastern philosophies, and the wisdom of oppressed and marginalized or better phrased, “those whose culture and land was exploited” remind us that healing goes beyond the personal. It is a reclamation of what has been taken—our stories, dignity, and connection to ancestral and cultural roots. Healing is the act of turning toward ourselves and toward each other to repair what has been fragmented.
The path toward healing is not easy, for it asks us to confront the ways oppression, trauma, and disconnection live in our bodies and communities. Healing is not just “my grief”; it is “our grief.” It is not just “my anger”; it is “our anger.” The pain of injustice and oppression is shared, and so must the healing be. In the words of Jennifer Mullen,
“Oppression is trauma, and trauma is not meant to be carried alone.”
Healing requires us to hold space for collective grief and rage, to tend to ancestral wounds, and to imagine systems rooted in care and liberation.
Modern life often alienates us from these truths, even as it intensifies global crises: poverty, homelessness, climate destruction, and growing inequality. The systems of harm we live within do not encourage rest, connection, or repair, yet it is precisely these acts that resist oppression. When we slow down to grieve, when we connect in mutual care, when we reclaim ancestral wisdom, we are choosing to heal not only ourselves but the collective.
Healing through a decolonized lens asks us to honor that our personal liberation is tied to the liberation of all beings. It invites us to sit with discomfort, to dismantle systems of harm, and to build pathways of justice, dignity, and joy. By coming together across histories and identities, we begin to repair the safety and belonging we’ve been searching for—not as isolated individuals, but as a collective reclaiming what has always been ours: connection, humanity, and wholeness.
As Audre Lorde reminds us:
"Without community, there is no liberation."
Through collective healing, we are not only liberating ourselves but also dismantling the systems that have kept us divided and disconnected for far too long.
The Challenges of Developing a Cohesive Sense of Self in Marginalized Communities
For individuals from marginalized communities, developing a cohesive sense of self can be deeply challenging due to systemic oppression, intergenerational trauma, co-dependency, unhealthy feminine and masculine dynamics, drug and alcohol abuse, and the legacies of colonization. These forces create conditions where survival, rather than self-discovery or wholeness, becomes the primary focus.
Historical and Systemic Roots of Fragmentation
Colonization, forced migration, war, and systemic racism have fractured the connections many communities have to their land, culture, and traditions. These disruptions severed ties to ancestral wisdom and created generations of people navigating life without the grounding frameworks of their heritage. For families living in poverty or those who migrated in search of safety and opportunity, the need to survive often outweighed the capacity to rest, reflect, or foster emotional attunement with children.
Parents working long hours or navigating the stress of systemic inequality often lacked the time, resources, or emotional bandwidth to be fully attuned to their children. This is not a reflection of their care or love but of the structural realities they faced. For example:
Immigrant families may have faced language barriers, economic struggles, and cultural dissonance, focusing all their energy on providing basic needs while sacrificing opportunities for emotional connection.
Veteran parents returning from war often carried unprocessed trauma, making it difficult to nurture or emotionally regulate in their parenting roles.
Families impacted by systemic racism often lived in survival mode, navigating discrimination, violence, and systemic disinvestment in their communities.
These conditions made it difficult for many parents to model self-regulation, emotional safety, or the reflective presence needed for children to develop a cohesive sense of self.
Fragmentation as a Survival Strategy
For children growing up in these conditions, fragmentation often becomes a way to adapt. When families lack the resources to provide consistent emotional attunement, children may:
Split their identities to fit into various roles or spaces, learning to suppress parts of themselves for safety or belonging.
Internalize shame about their needs, feelings, or identities, believing they must sacrifice authenticity to maintain connection.
Disown emotions like anger or grief, especially when these emotions feel unsafe or unacceptable in their environment.
These survival strategies, while protective in childhood, often lead to feelings of disconnection, self-doubt, and a fragmented sense of self in adulthood.
The Role of Intergenerational Trauma
The impact of these challenges doesn’t stop with one generation. The trauma of colonization, war, poverty, and displacement is passed down, both biologically and through learned behaviors. For example:
A parent who grew up in survival mode may unconsciously teach their child to suppress vulnerability.
Families carrying unhealed wounds from systemic violence or forced migration may struggle to create a sense of rootedness or belonging.
The cumulative stress of marginalization can lead to cycles of exhaustion, burnout, and unprocessed grief that make it difficult for families to nurture their children’s emotional and psychological needs.
Why Rest and Reflection Are Revolutionary
Rest, reflection, and emotional attunement are necessary for developing a cohesive sense of self, yet these are precisely the resources often denied to marginalized communities. This denial is not accidental—it is deeply tied to systems of oppression designed to extract labor, diminish autonomy, and maintain inequality.
To reclaim rest, peace, and emotional connection is an act of resistance. Healing involves creating spaces where individuals and communities can slow down, grieve, reflect, and reconnect with themselves and each other. This work is not only personal but also collective, as it seeks to repair the fragmentation caused by colonization and systemic injustice.
In the words of Dr. Jennifer Mullen, healing requires us to honor the complexity of our lived experiences while remembering that
"oppression is trauma, and trauma is not meant to be carried alone."
By acknowledging the systemic roots of fragmentation, we can begin to build a more cohesive sense of self—not just for individuals, but for entire communities seeking wholeness and liberation.
Pathways to Healing: Reclaiming Play, Connection, and Authenticity
Healing from the deep fragmentation caused by systemic oppression, colonization, and intergenerational trauma requires a multifaceted approach that nurtures the self, honors ancestral wounds, and reconnects us to others and the world around us. At the core of this healing journey is learning to grieve, feel, forgive, and rediscover joy and authenticity.
Learning to Play: Reclaiming Joy and Vitality
For many, trauma and systemic pressures rob us of our ability to play—a vital expression of our humanity and creativity. Play is not frivolous; it is a way to explore, create, and connect with the world. It invites us to step outside of survival mode and engage with life from a place of curiosity and openness.
Rediscovering Play: Healing involves creating safe spaces where we can reconnect with the sense of wonder and freedom that may have been lost. This could look like experimenting with art, movement, music, or storytelling—whatever awakens the imagination and sparks joy.
Permission to Rest: Play also requires rest and freedom from the constant demands of productivity. Allowing ourselves to rest is an act of resistance against the systems that equate our worth with what we produce.
By learning to play or create again, we begin to rebuild our relationship with the present moment and our inner child, nurturing a sense of vitality and connection.
Forgiving Ourselves and Our Ancestors
Healing involves releasing the burdens of shame and guilt that often accompany trauma and systemic oppression. This means forgiving not only ourselves but also our ancestors, who may have acted in ways that perpetuated harm due to their own survival needs or unprocessed wounds.
Compassion for the Past: Acknowledging the conditions that shaped our ancestors’ choices—whether those conditions were war, displacement, poverty, or oppression—helps us hold their humanity alongside our own.
Self-Forgiveness: Letting go of the blame we place on ourselves for what we inherited or the ways we’ve coped in the past is essential for moving forward. Every survival strategy was a response to the conditions we faced and deserves compassion.
This process doesn’t erase the pain or injustice but allows us to move through it with greater understanding and grace.
Grieving and Feeling Anger
Grief and anger are powerful emotions that often remain buried under layers of societal expectation and internalized oppression. Yet, they are essential to the healing process.
Honoring Grief: Grief is not just personal; it is collective. It holds the stories of loss, displacement, and harm that have shaped our communities. Allowing ourselves to grieve—whether through ritual, writing, or simply sitting with our feelings—honors these experiences and creates space for renewal.
Embracing Anger: Anger, too, has a rightful place in healing. It is a signal that boundaries have been crossed, that injustice has occurred. Learning to express anger constructively—through activism, creativity, or assertive communication—helps us reclaim our power and advocate for change.
Authentic Connection and Community
True healing cannot happen in isolation. Our fragmentation is both individual and collective, and so too must be our healing.
The Power of Community: In community, we witness one another’s stories, validate each other’s experiences, and build collective strength. It is through relationships that we learn to trust, feel safe, and reconnect with a sense of belonging.
Authenticity in Relationships: Healing involves unlearning patterns of codependency or suppression and practicing authenticity in how we connect with others. This means showing up as our whole selves, with our needs, boundaries, and truths intact.
Community spaces—whether they are family, chosen family, or activist groups—offer the container where we can process, heal, and grow together.
Healing as Liberation
Ultimately, healing is not just about individual transformation; it is about liberation. By reclaiming our wholeness, reconnecting with our bodies, and honoring the wisdom of our ancestors, we move toward a more just and compassionate world.
Living Authentically: Healing allows us to live from a place of alignment with our values and purpose. It enables us to choose connection, joy, and authenticity over fear and disconnection.
Building a Better Future: As we heal, we create the conditions for future generations to live with less fragmentation and more freedom. This work honors the sacrifices of our ancestors while laying the foundation for those who come after us.
Healing is not linear or easy. It requires courage, patience, and community. But as we play, grieve, forgive, and connect, we come closer to a world where authenticity and belonging are not privileges but birthrights.
Safety as a Privilege: Unequal Opportunities for Healing
And for many marginalized communities, safety is not a given—it is a privilege that has been systematically denied. Safety, whether emotional, physical, or financial, is a foundational need for growth, healing, and self-expression. Without it, the ability to make mistakes, rest, or take risks becomes inaccessible luxuries rather than inherent rights.
Unequal Access to Opportunities and Safety
Marginalized communities—whether due to race, socioeconomic status, ability, or immigration status—face systemic barriers that create chronic instability.
Economic Precarity: Families in poverty often work multiple jobs or endure exploitative labor conditions, leaving little time or energy for attunement to their children’s emotional needs. Safety, for them, is ensuring basic survival—food, shelter, and minimal security. This lack of generational stability perpetuates cycles of emotional neglect and unmet needs.
No Space for Rest or Recovery: Many parents in marginalized communities are burdened with stressors that leave little room for rest, peace, or emotional connection. This environment teaches children that survival trumps self-expression, contributing to emotional fragmentation that can persist into adulthood.
Unequal Consequences for Mistakes: For marginalized individuals, the cost of making mistakes is disproportionately high. A single misstep—whether in school, at work, or in a public space—can lead to devastating consequences such as incarceration, job loss, or systemic punishment. This lack of a safety net fosters hypervigilance, perfectionism, and a fear of taking risks, further limiting opportunities for growth and self-compassion.
Safety Is a Privilege Denied to Many
Certain privileges—like the ability to retire with financial security, access affordable healthcare, or navigate institutions without discrimination—are not universally granted. For non-disabled, wealthy, or socially advantaged individuals, these privileges may seem like baseline expectations, but for many others, they are unattainable.
Non-Able-Bodied Individuals: Those living with disabilities often face environments that are not accessible or accommodating. The added burden of navigating ableist systems amplifies feelings of insecurity and exclusion, further eroding a sense of safety and belonging.
Children in Marginalized Communities: Marginalized children often grow up in environments where safety is scarce. Whether due to exposure to violence, systemic neglect, or lack of resources, these children learn to adapt by suppressing their needs, emotions, and creativity, leaving deep-rooted scars that follow them into adulthood.
Reclaiming Safety Through Healing
To heal, we must first acknowledge that safety is not equitably distributed and that systemic barriers make healing more difficult for some. A decolonized, trauma-informed approach to healing involves addressing these inequities and creating environments where safety can be cultivated for all.
Challenging the Systems: Part of healing is advocating for systemic change that ensures safety and opportunities for all—whether through social justice work, community organizing, or mutual aid.
Restoring Safety in the Body and Community: Practices like somatic therapy, community care, and mutual support groups can help marginalized individuals begin to feel safe within themselves and with others, countering the impacts of systemic oppression.
Reclaiming the Right to Rest and Make Mistakes: Healing requires redefining what it means to be human. Mistakes, rest, and vulnerability are not privileges—they are universal rights. Creating environments that allow marginalized individuals to access these experiences is a radical act of self and collective liberation.
True healing happens when we not only address personal wounds but also challenge the systems that perpetuate them. Safety should not be a privilege—it should be the foundation upon which everyone can build their lives, free to make mistakes, express their truth, and thrive.
The Impact of Growing Up with Abuse and Unequal Power Dynamics
For individuals who grew up witnessing or experiencing child abuse and domestic violence, the concept of safety and equality within relationships is often distorted from a young age. These early experiences normalize mistreatment, unequal power dynamics, and unhealthy models of relating, creating deep-rooted patterns that can impact emotional and relational development throughout life. The effects of these imbalances can make it difficult to trust others or to feel safe in intimate relationships, often resulting in anxiety, defensiveness, or emotional withdrawal.
The impact of these power imbalances can affect how adults relate to people in authority, as well as how they navigate relationships with peers, family members, and even themselves. Whether identifying as male or female, Carl Jung’s concept of the anima (feminine energy) and animus (masculine energy) suggests that we all carry both masculine and feminine aspects within us. In cases of trauma, these energies can become fragmented or imbalanced. For instance, one may suppress or over-idealize one energy while neglecting the other, which can lead to internal conflicts, disconnection, and feelings of disempowerment. Healing these imbalances requires a process of reparenting and integration—learning to embrace, respect, and nurture both our masculine and feminine energies in ways that allow us to feel whole, balanced, and capable of engaging with others from a place of equality and safety.
The Legacy of Abuse and Domestic Violence
Normalization of Power Imbalances: Witnessing or experiencing abuse often instills the belief that unequal power dynamics—where one person exerts control or dominance over another—are normal. This can lead to difficulties recognizing or demanding equity in future relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or professional.
Fragmentation of Masculine and Feminine Energies: Domestic violence often embodies a distortion of masculine and feminine energies, with masculine energy associated with dominance and control, and feminine energy relegated to submission or invisibility. These archetypes can become internalized, leading to a disconnection from authentic expressions of these energies within oneself and relationships.
Chronic Hypervigilance and Emotional Suppression: Growing up in environments where conflict, abuse, or violence is present creates a state of hypervigilance. Children learn to anticipate danger, suppress their emotions, and prioritize survival over self-expression. This disconnection from their inner world can lead to struggles with emotional regulation, trust, and intimacy in adulthood.
Shame and Self-Blame: Abusive environments often instill a deep sense of shame in children, who may internalize the mistreatment as their fault. This shame can follow them into adulthood, making it difficult to assert boundaries or cultivate a healthy sense of self-worth.
The Gendered Dynamics of Abuse
In homes where domestic violence occurs, children are often exposed to skewed and harmful models of gender roles:
Distorted Masculine Energy: Masculine energy, often associated with protection, strength, and action, becomes warped into control, aggression, and emotional repression.
Distorted Feminine Energy: Feminine energy, typically linked with nurturing, receptivity, and intuition, becomes associated with passivity, invisibility, or martyrdom.
These distortions not only harm the individuals directly involved but also perpetuate cycles of imbalance and harm across generations.
Reclaiming Balance and Healing from Abuse
Healing from the effects of child abuse and domestic violence requires not only challenging the normalization of mistreatment but also rediscovering one’s inherent worth and reclaiming a sense of balance and safety within oneself and in relationships. After experiencing the eruption of trauma—like a crisis or significant emotional upheaval—the entire internal ecosystem changes. Just as the land can be altered after a volcanic eruption, our inner world is reshaped by trauma. In these moments, it’s essential to move slowly, allowing space within ourselves to calm down, settle, and regain a sense of stability.
For those with severe PTSD or complex trauma, this process can feel foreign or overwhelming. The survival strategies developed during childhood, such as dissociation or emotional shutdown, might have served to protect us from overwhelming feelings, but as adults, they can make it difficult to reconnect with the vulnerable, grieving parts of ourselves. Therapy becomes a vital tool in helping individuals regain agency, create safety, and nurture their sense of Self. In this safe space, we can begin to feel the grief, anger, and sorrow that were once too painful to express as children—emotions that are essential to our healing and growth. Through this process, we allow ourselves to reparent our inner child, offering compassion and understanding for the feelings that were once dismissed or ignored, and creating a new foundation for wholeness.
Grounding Yourself: Reclaiming Safety from Within
For children who grow up in abusive and violent homes, safety can feel like a distant or unreachable concept. In these environments, the nervous system is in constant alert, and the child’s sense of security is often shattered. The world can feel like an endless fall, with no one to catch them or offer a sense of grounding. This lack of attunement leaves children feeling abandoned, lost, and disconnected from themselves and others.
The Role of Defensive Strategies
In the face of this overwhelming uncertainty, children develop defensive strategies—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—to survive. These strategies serve as coping mechanisms, keeping them safe in moments of immediate danger, but they also become ingrained patterns. Over time, these defense mechanisms become hardened, leaving the child’s parts to fragment and exist separately rather than as a cohesive whole. These coping mechanisms, while adaptive in childhood, become barriers to true connection and self-healing in adulthood.
As children, the pain of facing reality—emotionally, physically, and psychologically—often feels unbearable. The body learned early on that expressing vulnerability or pain might lead to further harm, so those feelings were suppressed or denied. For many, these emotions never had the chance to be fully felt, let alone processed.
The Path to Healing: Feeling the Feelings
For adults who experienced this form of neglect or abuse, healing begins by reconnecting to the body and the emotions that were never fully experienced. The body holds the keys to this healing. It is not uncommon for those who have experienced trauma to feel like they are falling or being pulled under when reconnecting with their feelings. This can feel overwhelming, but this is where grounding techniques become essential.
Learning to ground yourself involves reconnecting to the present moment and your body, reminding yourself that you are no longer a helpless child. Grounding allows you to establish internal safety, even when external circumstances are chaotic. By practicing grounding techniques—like deep breathing, mindfulness, body scans, or placing your feet firmly on the ground—you can start to rebuild the stability that was missing during childhood.
Feeling the Feelings We Didn’t Get to Feel
The process of healing also involves going into the feelings we were never able to feel. This could be the grief, sadness, anger, or fear that was suppressed in childhood. The body often sends signals—through sensations, emotions, or images—telling us where the pain is stored. These signals may show up as vivid imagery, metaphors, or dreams, helping to bring these unresolved feelings into consciousness.
As adults, we are now in a place where we can feel these emotions safely and with the tools necessary to process them. However, this is not always easy. As children, the feelings were life-threatening or unbearable, but as adults, we have the capacity to handle them in a way that is healing, rather than overwhelming. This is the heart of somatic healing—recognizing that our bodies, through sensations, are trying to communicate with us. It is our job to listen, to offer compassion, and to allow those feelings to move through us.
Integration: Wholeness Through Feeling
By coming into the present moment and learning to feel the feelings that our younger selves couldn’t, we begin to heal the fragmented parts. We can no longer afford to ignore or dismiss our pain. The trauma may be a part of our story, but it does not define us. By giving voice to those suppressed emotions and releasing them from our bodies, we start to integrate the fragmented parts of ourselves back into wholeness.
This is where the healing journey truly begins—feeling the feelings our inner child couldn’t feel, and in doing so, healing not only ourselves but the lineage of trauma we carry. The journey is not just about healing our individual pain, but also honoring the generational wounds that have been passed down, breaking the cycle for those who come after us.
It’s Not Your Fault: The Complexity of Grief, Betrayal, and Violation: Compartmentalization and Coping Mechanisms
For many people who have experienced trauma, grief, betrayal, and violation are some of the most difficult emotions to face. These emotions are not only painful but also deeply challenging because they often force us to confront parts of ourselves that have been compartmentalized or pushed aside for protection. Compartmentalization is a defense mechanism where we separate overwhelming emotions from our conscious experience to avoid feeling or acknowledging them. It is a way our psyche protects us when the emotional weight of an experience feels too much to bear.
The memories of childhood trauma, PTSD, and pain don’t just live in the mind; they are stored in the body. These experiences are woven into our muscles, bones, and nervous system, leaving a trace that can manifest as tension, discomfort, or even illness. Just as a volcanic eruption leaves behind hardened lava, trauma creates lasting imprints on the body, often hidden beneath layers of defense mechanisms. These bodily memories can resurface as physical sensations, triggering emotions and memories that feel overwhelming. Healing involves not only processing these memories mentally but also reconnecting with the body, learning to release the tension stored within, and nurturing ourselves with compassion as we reclaim the space to feel and heal.
Attachment Styles and Emotional Defense Mechanisms
Depending on our attachment style—which forms in early childhood based on the consistency and quality of our caregivers’ responses—we develop different patterns of protecting ourselves from emotional pain. These patterns, while they may have helped us survive during our formative years, can become ingrained ways of coping that block emotional healing as adults.
For example:
Anxious attachment may lead to clinging, seeking reassurance, or ruminating on betrayals, unable to let go of hurt.
Avoidant attachment often causes people to push emotions away, repressing grief, fear, or betrayal in an attempt to maintain emotional distance and independence.
Disorganized attachment may create chaotic patterns of seeking connection while also simultaneously pushing it away, often leading to confusion and inconsistent emotional responses.
These attachment-based coping mechanisms often manifest as emotional defense strategies like blaming, shaming, judging, or even lying to ourselves or others. Blame, for example, can act as a shield, redirecting our hurt and anger onto someone else rather than allowing us to feel the vulnerability and sadness of betrayal. Shame and self-judgment can arise when we feel like we’ve failed ourselves, or when we think we should have been stronger, smarter, or more “together” in the face of trauma.
Why It’s Hard to Feel Grief and Betrayal
Grief, betrayal, and violation touch the deepest parts of who we are. They challenge our sense of trust in the world and others, and they bring to the surface the painful truth that we’ve been hurt in ways that are sometimes unspeakable. These emotions threaten the stories we’ve built to protect ourselves, the stories that keep us from facing what we’ve lost or how we’ve been mistreated.
For some, grief feels like a loss of control—something they can’t manage or fix. For others, betrayal cuts to the heart of their sense of safety in relationships, often leading them to believe that no one can be trusted or that they are unworthy of love and care. Violation, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, goes even further—it strikes at the very core of our identity and the way we see the world. It’s no wonder, then, that these feelings are so difficult to access and even harder to sit with.
The Role of Blame, Shame, and Self-Judgment
In the face of these difficult emotions, we often engage in self-protection by turning to blame or shame. For example, blaming others can make us feel temporarily justified in our anger and hurt, but it keeps us from fully experiencing our grief. We may say, “It’s their fault,” and while that might be true in some cases, we’re left without the emotional space to grieve what was lost.
Shame can act as a silencing force, telling us we’re not allowed to feel or that our pain is somehow less valid. Shame keeps us from processing grief fully because it tells us that something about us is fundamentally wrong—whether we “should have known better” or we “didn’t deserve” to be treated differently.
When we judge or lie to ourselves, we distance ourselves from the rawness of the emotions. Judgment might say, “I shouldn’t be this upset, I should be over this by now,” or “It’s my fault for letting it happen.” Lying to ourselves may look like denying the pain altogether, saying things like, “It doesn’t bother me,” or “It wasn’t that bad.” These coping mechanisms can temporarily numb the pain, but they keep us from healing.
Moving Toward Healing: Breaking Down the Barriers
The healing process involves recognizing and naming these emotional patterns and compartmentalized feelings. We must acknowledge the grief, betrayal, and violation without turning away from them, even though it’s uncomfortable. Through somatic practices, mindfulness, and relational work, we can learn to soften our defenses and allow ourselves to feel the emotions that we’ve been protecting ourselves from for so long.
As we do this, we also learn to unravel the blame, shame, and judgment that have kept us isolated from our true feelings. Self-compassion is essential in this process—understanding that our defense mechanisms, though unhelpful in the present, were once necessary for survival. With compassion, we can begin to shift from a place of self-criticism to one of acceptance and growth.
Healing from grief, betrayal, and violation requires courage. It requires allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, to face the pain that we’ve carried for too long, and to connect with the parts of us that were neglected or abandoned. The process also involves reclaiming our authentic voice—the voice that has been silenced by trauma, shame, and judgment.
By doing this, we rebuild a sense of wholeness—no longer fragmented by past experiences or distorted coping strategies. And in doing so, we come back to ourselves, reclaiming the ability to feel, to heal, and to live more authentically.
Envisioning a World of Equal and Healthy Power Dynamics Through Liberation Psychology Lens
Living in a world where masculine and feminine energies coexist in balance and harmony would mean creating spaces that honor the strengths and wisdom of both energies. It involves dismantling power hierarchies that favor one over the other and fostering relationships based on mutual respect, collaboration, and shared growth. In this vision, masculine energy reflects healthy assertiveness, protection, and clarity, while feminine energy embodies nurturing, intuition, and receptivity—both coexisting as complementary forces within individuals and communities.
Countering the Legacy of Imbalance
To work toward equal and healthy power dynamics, we must first recognize and dismantle the systems and beliefs that perpetuate imbalance:
Awareness: Educate ourselves about how societal systems—patriarchy, colonization, capitalism—create and sustain unequal dynamics between masculine and feminine energies.
Healing Internalized Patterns: Examine how these imbalances show up within ourselves and work to unlearn behaviors or beliefs that reinforce inequality.
Embracing Vulnerability and Strength: Challenge stereotypes that equate masculinity with dominance and femininity with submission. Encourage the integration of strength and vulnerability, action and reflection, in all people.
Advocacy: Advocate for policies, cultural practices, and education that support equitable power dynamics in relationships, workplaces, and communities.
Why Our Voice Matters
Speaking out against inequity and imbalance is a revolutionary act. When we share our stories and experiences, we:
Break the silence that perpetuates harm.
Inspire others to reflect and challenge their own beliefs.
Build a collective momentum for change.
Empower ourselves and others to reclaim agency and authenticity.
Connecting with Support Groups and Healing Together
Healing is not meant to be a solitary journey. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be profoundly transformative. Support groups, community healing spaces, and relational practices allow us to:
Witness and honor each other’s pain.
Learn from diverse perspectives and experiences.
Practice healthy relational dynamics in real-time.
Build networks of care and accountability.
Healing together fosters resilience and solidarity, reminding us that we are not alone in our struggles or our growth.
Practices to Decolonize Healing
Decolonizing healing involves challenging the individualistic, Western models of healing and reclaiming ancestral, relational, and collective practices that honor our interconnectedness.
Acknowledge Ancestral Wisdom: Reconnect with the practices and traditions of your ancestors, drawing on their wisdom to guide your healing journey.
Challenge Individualism: Recognize that healing is not solely an individual process—it’s collective. Prioritize relational and community-based practices.
Honor Indigenous and Feminine Ways of Knowing: Embrace practices that value intuition, creativity, and relationality, and resist the dominant culture's prioritization of logic, productivity, and linear progress.
Create Spaces for Authentic Connection: Build and participate in spaces where people can safely express their stories, emotions, and experiences.
Reclaim Somatic Practices: Use body-based practices like movement, breathwork, and somatic experiencing to release trauma and reconnect with your authentic self.
Support Radical Rest: Acknowledge the privilege of rest and intentionally create space for rest as a way to heal from systems of oppression.
Practice Mutual Care: Engage in reciprocal relationships where care is given and received, breaking the cycles of isolation and self-reliance perpetuated by colonized frameworks.
Grieve and Express Anger: Allow space for grief and anger as valid parts of the healing process, channeling them into transformation and justice.
Participate in Community Activism: Work toward dismantling oppressive systems that create and perpetuate harm in marginalized communities.
Celebrate Joy and Play: Reclaim joy and play as revolutionary acts, recognizing them as integral to healing and living authentically.
Healing Through Collective Action
By healing together and fostering equal power dynamics, we reclaim the privilege of a world built on connection, respect, and equity. This is not just about personal liberation—it’s about reshaping the systems and cultures we live within, so that everyone, regardless of identity or history, can experience safety, authenticity, and belonging.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” - Rumi
It's important not to let past traumas prevent you from being fully present. Each of us has a rich inner world—a complex ecosystem where all parts of ourselves coexist. In our work together, we will explore this landscape, creating space for you to feel your emotions and uncover the unconscious thoughts and limiting beliefs that may be keeping you stuck.
“Healing occurs not through what we know, but through what we experience, what we feel, and how we relate at the deepest levels of our being.”
Together, we can work toward a deeper understanding of yourself and foster a sense of well-being.
